


Honeymoon at the Clown Motel

by zombie_honeymoon



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Clowns, Established Relationship, Horror, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Relationship Problems, Sexual Content, Some Humor, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:28:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27139399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombie_honeymoon/pseuds/zombie_honeymoon
Summary: It's Hidan and Kakuzu's seventh wedding anniversary and Hidan wants a honeymoon since they never went on one when they got married. Kakuzu is tired of hearing about it and agrees, leaving the planning to Hidan and trusting him to pick a suitable place. A mistake, as Hidan decides to book a room at the Clown Motel for their honeymoon for a laugh.
Relationships: Hidan/Kakuzu (Naruto)
Comments: 35
Kudos: 65
Collections: KakuHida Week





	1. Top Ten Honeymoon Destinations

**Author's Note:**

> For KakuHida Week Prompt: Free Day

Hidan checked the calender, sighed dramatically, then cleared his throat as he pulled out a chair from the table and sat across from Kakuzu. Their anniversary was coming up and it was always cause for an argument. Though lately, everything seemed to be cause for an argument between them. 

“What do you want, Hidan?” Kakuzu asked, drinking his coffee as he checked his business emails, not even bothering to look up at his husband. He knew from the overly dramatic sigh that whatever it was, it wasn’t going to end well.

“For starters, I want a honeymoon but it’s a bit late for that…”

“Oh… not this again…” Kakuzu groaned and set his mug down a little harder than necessary. “How many times am I going to have to hear about how we never had a honeymoon?”

“Well it still bothers me!”

“It’s been seven years. Let it go already.”

Hidan was not going to let it go, “Our anniversary is coming up, I bet you haven’t got anything planned, have you?! Just like always! It’ll be some shitty take out, _again_ , because you refuse to be seen with me in an actual, nice restaurant--”

Kakuzu had to cut him off there, “It’s your own damn fault! When you’re told to ‘choose a lobster’ it does not mean to reach into the lobster tank and pull one out! We were banned!” 

“Well…” Hidan pouted, “it wasn’t my fault we got banned…!” 

“Oh really? You screamed when the thing pinched you, then flung it across the room where it landed on someone's table! If it wasn’t your fault, whose was it?” Kakuzu was practically daring him to lay the blame on him.  
  
But Hidan had a little more sense than to do that, “The lobster's fault maybe? It hurt! You know, they should’ve just said to point to one…” 

“I should’ve known better than to take _you,_ someone with zero class, to a place like that. And don’t act like you don’t like take out. I can’t stand hypocrites.”  
  
“Hey! I have class! And yeah, fine, I do like take out. Most of the time. But goddamn it!” Hidan slammed his fist on the table, rattling their mugs, “I want a fucking honeymoon with my fucking husband! Is that so much to ask?”

Closing his eyes and breathing out noisily through his nose, Kakuzu counted to ten. He was sick to death of hearing about how he had never taken Hidan on a honeymoon. It wasn’t like he’d had a lot of money back when they got married. He had just started his business, had employees and partners to pay, there had been more expenses than he ever imagined. They had literally just been getting by, mainly off Hidan’s meager paycheck. 

At the time, Hidan had said he understood, and that it was alright, but clearly it wasn’t if he was still going on about it nearly seven years later. 

As he opened his eyes, he glared across the table at his husband, “You want a honeymoon so bad?”

“Yeah, I fucking do!”

“Then book a hotel for us somewhere, anywhere within a day's drive. We’ll have a honeymoon for our seventh anniversary. Happy now?”

Eyes wide, Hidan had clearly not expected that, “This… this isn’t a joke? You really mean it? Kakuzu, tell me right now you mean it!”

“Yes, I mean it. But on the condition that you never bring it up again that we didn’t go on a honeymoon as soon as we got married. You will never throw it in my face again, understood?”

“Yeah, fine, whatever.” Hidan walked over and bent down to kiss Kakuzu on the cheek before wrapping his arms around his neck, “We’re gonna have such an awesome honeymoon, even if it is what, seven years late?”

Kakuzu leaned back against Hidan and brought a hand up to catch his face, holding him there for a kiss. 

“Alright, Hidan, go plan it. I would help but I’m going to have to go into the office today.”

Hidan’s smile fell, along with his arms from around Kakuzu. Kakuzu was always working, even on his days off, but at least he still got him at nights. Most of the time… unless he was working on something from home which seemed to happen more often than not lately. At least this time they had avoided an all out fight.

* * *

Lounging on the couch, legs thrown over the arm, and head on the cushions where his butt should be, Hidan scrolled through page after page of hotels. Kakuzu had told him not to go overboard and book anything too expensive. So he stopped looking at international destinations almost as soon as he started his search. 

_‘Top Ten Honeymoon Destinations’_ was also out, as most involved air travel or fancy hotels, private yachts, private islands, or needing a year in advance to even consider being able to book a stay. 

A shame, Hidan thought, he would have loved nothing more than to watch the northern lights with Kakuzu… drinking a little wine, then making out, then making love as the lights danced across the sky above them. And Kakuzu thought he didn’t know the first thing about romance. Hidan sighed and closed that tab. He was very romantic… Kakuzu just didn’t give him a chance to show it.

Cruises were completely out, even though there were some decently priced ones and could be romantic. Standing on the deck, holding hands and watching the stars could be romantic. But Hidan didn’t like the thought of being stuck on a boat at all and made a face. The last time Kisame had taken them fishing hadn’t gone well for him... 

Not wanting to think about it, he started looking at hotels within driving distance as Kakuzu requested, and doing that narrowed his options down quite a lot. He looked at some hotels on the beach but they turned out to be astronomically expensive. Besides, he wasn’t much of a beach goer, too sunny. Sand got in _everywhere_. And too many other people around for Kakuzu to be able to enjoy himself.

The mountains would be nice but still chilly, though that made it conducive to cuddling and Hidan found it to be highly tempting. So he opened a new tab full of rental cabins. That seemed to be the most promising. They both enjoyed being up in the mountains, away from everything and everyone. Several cabins even had their own hot tubs. He loved hot tubs. And they were near a natural hot spring, they could spend the day there. He loved those even more. Decently priced, too. It seemed to be the best bet. 

Just to be sure, Hidan then skimmed the hotels in Las Vegas and decided that was simply too cliché. He didn’t think Kakuzu would want to go there with him anyways. Though he had always wanted to see a pimp… and lose some money at the roulette table and play the slots. He closed the tabs. Las Vegas didn’t suit Kakuzu, too much money collectively being lost there. And if Hidan lost money, too… it would be a complete mood killer. 

Finally, out of morbid curiosity, he started searching for ‘weird hotels’. 

That was when he saw it.

“Oh yes,” Hidan breathed, a terrible plan forming in his head. He swung his legs from over the arm of the couch and sat up, “This is too perfect!” He snickered to himself, “This’ll teach Kakuzu to not take me on a honeymoon for seven years.”

Hidan tried to stifle a laugh but realized he was home alone so he didn’t bother and laughed as loud as he wanted all while he booked a three night stay at the Clown Motel, not thinking twice, paying extra to reserve the special suite. It was a special occasion after all.

That night, when Kakuzu got home, Hidan greeted him with a smile and a kiss at the door, “I booked it.”

“Booked what?”

“Fuck man… the hotel for our honeymoon! You’re not so old you forgot already, are you?”

“Ah. No, I didn’t forget. It’s just been a long day.” He leaned over and kissed Hidan back, “I’m glad to be home though. So, where are we going?”

Hidan giggled, “It’s a surprise!”

Kakuzu resisted the urge to roll his eyes, saying, “Alright, fine. You waited seven years for this, I suppose if you want to make me wait to see where we’re going, you can. Did you make dinner or should we order something?”

“No need to order anything, I made some soup. It’s still hot,” he cocked a single brow while smirking, “just like us.” 

* * *

The alarm blared in Hidan’s ears and he picked up his phone, hitting what he thought to be the snooze button and rolled over to go back to sleep for five more minutes. He hadn’t slept well, having been too excited, and felt a growing headache coming on. A few more minutes might help. 

The next time he woke, it was to Kakuzu turning the lights on and giving him a good shake, “Wake up! It’s almost nine. What happened to your alarm?”

“What? Huh?” Hidan cracked open his eyes to see Kakuzu turn around and walk out of the bedroom.

“I’m leaving in fifteen minutes, with or without you, to this mystery hotel you booked us.”

Groaning, Hidan rolled out of bed and pulled on his jeans. Kakuzu was in a foul mood, and Hidan knew he really would leave without him if he wasn’t ready. Though he wouldn’t know where to go, he really didn’t want to piss Kakuzu off more than he already was and ruin their honeymoon.

Exactly fifteen minutes later they were backing out of the driveway and turning onto the street. Hidan’s headache from lack of sleep hadn’t gotten any better and was a little worse. He had been too excited about going on their honeymoon, and had stayed up late when he couldn’t fall asleep. They also missed breakfast and he was hoping they would stop somewhere for gas soon so he could get something to eat and maybe get something for his head.

Unfortunately for him, Kakuzu had planned well and gotten gas the night before and when Hidan asked if they would stop soon, he got a glare and resigned himself to stare out the window as they left the city.

“There’s a whole lot of nothing out there…” Hidan said, stomach growling and head pounding.

“And yet you managed to find a hotel that you wanted to go to for our honeymoon somewhere out there, in the whole lot of nothing. Real romantic.”  
  
Hidan couldn’t help the words that slipped from his mouth, “It’s not really our honeymoon and you know it. A honeymoon is something you go on after your get married and-”  
  
“This _is_ after we got married, so technically it’s still a honeymoon. Besides, I told you I didn’t want to hear you complain about me not taking you as soon as we got married to which you agreed. And you also agreed we didn't need a honeymoon. You know I didn’t have a lot of extra money back then and you told me it was alright. Maybe I’m married to a liar.”  
  
“Fuck you. You fucking went to work the next day, asshole! I was hurt and still am but I’m no liar. I’m the most honest man you’ll meet. Lying is a sin! Eat shit!” Hidan was fuming. He hadn’t lied, he was alright with it but had been under the assumption that they would go on a honeymoon much sooner than seven years. 

He starred out the window as several miles flew by, “I’m really hungry and I’m starting to feel a little carsick, so maybe stop somewhere so I can get something to eat?!”  
  
Kakuzu nodded, “Yeah, sure, let me just pull up to one of the many places to eat out here in the literal middle of _fucking nowhere!_ How about _you_ eat shit?!” _  
_  
“Maybe pull over so I can fucking _walk home!”_  
  
Kakuzu set his jaw, tempted to do exactly what Hidan wanted but instead sped up. He just knew if he pulled over, Hidan actually would get out and try to hitch a ride home, and he was angry enough to let him. 

“This is going to be a real nice honeymoon, isn’t it? I can’t wait for it to start.”  
  
“Yeah,” Hidan agreed, blinking back angry tears as he starred out the window, “the best.”  
  
Hidan’s hunger had passed and then he was left just feeling sick, with a headache that had turned into a migraine and he tried to sleep but couldn't do more than doze. When they finally stopped somewhere hours and hours later for gas, he went into the mini mart and bought a bottle of pain reliever, then went next door to a nice looking bakery and got an almond pastry, not liking the look of the salads and none of the sandwiches appealed to him, and then got a coffee for himself and then went back for another coffee for Kakuzu even though neither had spoken to the other since their fight earlier. 

He hoped the offer of coffee might ease the tension between them. 

All he had wanted was for Kakuzu to take him somewhere for a few days… he didn’t see what the big deal was about sleeping a little late. What did it matter when they got there? But no… Kakuzu always had to ‘get his money’s worth’ and get to places as early as possible. 

Hidan sometimes hated that side of Kakuzu, always obsessed and greedy when it came to money, taking extra hours at work when they were well off and really didn’t need the extra money. He was thankful they had the money now, and were able to live without worrying about anything, but it was never enough for Kakuzu. It never would be. There was always more money to be made, a new client to seal a deal with, a new investment, stocks to trade. Hidan wished Kakuzu would pay him half as much attention as he did his bank accounts. 

As he sipped his coffee on his walk back to the car, he hoped he could smooth things over and handed over the other coffee to his husband who took it after a slight hesitation.

“Thanks. I didn’t really need anything though, you didn’t need to spend the money on it.”  
  
“Oh for fucks sake, man! It was less than two bucks! Take the damn thing and drink it! You can make up the money while you work on your fucking projects from the hotel as I’m sure you’re planning to!” Hidan took another drink of his own coffee and got in the car, slamming the door. Once he had his seatbelt on, he tore a bite off the pastry as Kakuzu watched in annoyance.

“Wha’?” Hidan asked, chewing his mouthful of pastry.  
  
“You’re getting crumbs everywhere! Stop talking with your mouth full, it’s disgusting! And just so you know, because you couldn’t set an alarm this morning, I missed an important call and the client I had been working on for the last _three weeks_ to sign the deal with went with someone else. So thanks a-fucking-lot, Hidan. Just like always, right? You end up fucking something up without even trying.”  
  
Brushing his hand over his shirt and pants, Hidan knocked all the little crumbs to the floor as he looked over at Kakuzu, hurt by his words. 

“Yeah, I’m just a fuck up… always have been, guess I always will be...” He turned away to glare out the window, hating the way his eyes teared up. Kakuzu couldn’t blame it all on him. He had his own phone and should have set his own alarm. But he just wasn’t in the mood to point that out or sit there and argue, his head was killing him. So he got out the bottle of pain reliever from his pocket and shook several pills into his hand as Kakuzu watched from the corner of his eye. 

“Are you alright?” Kakuzu asked.

“I’m fine.”  
  
“A dose is two, not four.”  
  
“Well thank you, Doctor Kakuzu," Hidan drawled, "but I’ve got a massive migraine and need more than that. These are just regular ones.”

“I didn’t know you had a migraine. Did you bring your migraine medicine?” 

“There's a lot you don't know about me... If I brought it, do you think I'd be taking this?” Hidan grumbled, he didn’t spare him a glance as he swallowed the pills with his coffee. As they put several miles between themselves and the little town, turning off the main highway onto a smaller, two lane road with no other cars on it. 

Hidan finished his pastry and the rest of his coffee, feeling better than he had before they stopped. Maybe he had just needed some food and a little caffeine. His head was still pounding but he hoped the pills he took would do something. Once they got to the hotel, he could take a nap and sleep the rest of it off.

But soon Hidan was feeling even worse as the road they turned onto began to wind it’s way over and through some mountains. Passing a road sign indicating a winding road for the next twenty miles, he groaned and closed his eyes.

“What is it now?” Kakuzu grumbled.  
  
“Nothing.” Hidan said, hoping to maybe fall asleep and sleep through it. He turned slightly in the seat and pressed his head to the cold glass of the window and tried to fall asleep. 

Several miles later, unable to fall asleep, he sat up. He felt sick, the pounding in his head was worse, the brightness of the sun that had moved out from behind the clouds hurt his eyes.

“Kakuzu.”  
  
“What is it now? Want to argue about how I’m not home often enough?!”  
  
“Pull over.”  
  
“Here? Why? So you can walk home?” Kakuzu took a curve without slowing down.  
  
Hidan groaned, he was so dizzy. He closed his eyes and swallowed back saliva that filled his mouth, “I’m gonna be sick.”  
  
Kakuzu glanced over at Hidan and recognized the look on his face as the same one he had on Kisame’s boat. Not wanting a repeat of that, he pulled over and Hidan immediately got out. They were the only ones on the road in both directions, and Kakuzu hopped out of the car as Hidan bent over, bracing his hands on his knees, and was sick in the dirt and gravel on the side of the road.

“What’s wrong?” Kakuzu asked, feeling guilty. He knew he had been driving too fast, “Was it my driving? Why didn’t you say anything? And I told you not to take so many of those pills!”  
  
Hidan wasn’t finished and didn’t answer as he was sick again and Kakuzu reached out to rub his back for him through it, making a face.

“Alright, Hidan, that’s enough.”  
  
“I don’t think you get to decide when it’s enough…” Hidan groaned. He hated being sick, hated being sick in front of Kakuzu even more, but there was nothing that could be done about it. At least Kakuzu kept rubbing his back, and said nothing else. 

When Hidan was sure he was done, he just asked for water. Kakuzu looked around and found him a half empty bottle from the backseat to rinse his mouth with. 

“It’s just the migraine, alright? I didn’t sleep well, I was too excited. Ha! What a fucking joke, right? ‘Cause this trip so far has been nothing to be excited about,” Hidan said, his voice hoarse and his throat hurting, “Then you wouldn’t let me eat before we left, and I was so fucking hungry. I’ve been feeling sick almost the entire drive! I’m surprised I lasted this long.”  
  
“Why didn’t you tell me?”  
  
“You’ve been a total asshole to me! That’s why! And I finally just couldn’t handle the stupid fucking overly sweet pastry shit and all that coffee with this damn road and the migraine and yeah, maybe I should’ve only taken two pills, but you were also going too fast around the stupid fucking curves! I wish I’d’ve done it on you. But even _I_ have _some_ dignity. I thought about it though...” 

Managing to look ashamed, Kakuzu nodded, “You’re right, I have been nothing but an asshole to you today. I’m sorry. Why don’t you drive? It might help your motion sickness.”  
  
“I’m too shaky and shitty feeling to drive…”

“It’s alright, I’ll drive slower. I’m sorry. Come here.” Kakuzu reached to put his arm around Hidan’s shoulders to pull him close and frowned when Hidan resisted at first. Then he gave in, leaning against him for support with his arms crossed over his middle. 

“I just wanna go home…” Hidan whined, “and crawl back in bed and go to sleep.”  
  
“We’ll be at the hotel in less than an hour. You can rest there, I’m sure it’ll be nice. At least I _hope_ it is. I don’t even know how much it cost...” And just how nice was a place out in the middle of nowhere going to be? Kakuzu had his doubts about the hotel but kept them to himself, not wanting to argue again.  
  
Hidan groaned. The Clown Motel was not exactly the place he wanted to curl up under the blankets in, but whatever, he thought, what could he do. It wasn’t like they could turn around and drive all the way back home. That would just be worse.

“We can just sit here as long as you need until you’re ready to keep going.” Kakuzu kissed the top of his sweaty head, and they sat on the trunk together. Hidan finally leaned his head on Kakuzu’s shoulder and closed his eyes against the sunlight. At least it wasn’t too hot even though it was the middle of the day. Getting married in late winter had it’s benefits other than it costing less. 

“Our honeymoon is really turning out to be real fucking great, isn’t it?” Hidan sighed.

“Let’s just agree to try and enjoy the rest of it, from here on, alright?” Kakuzu let his hand run up and down Hidan’s back.

“Alright, but you have to promise me something first.”  
  
“What is it?”

“That you won’t do any work on our honeymoon. I miss you. You’re _always_ fucking working. On weekends, at night, before the sun comes up! Sorry you lost that client but in all fairness you can’t pin all the blame on me.” He slid his arm around Kakuzu’s waist.  
  
Kakuzu didn’t answer for several moments, and then finally agreed, “Alright, Hidan. I won’t do any work.” 

“Not even answering emails.” 

“Hidan…”  
  
“Promise me! You made me sick! It’s the least you can do!”  
  
“Fine. I won’t answer any emails but I’m going to have to get someone else to do them, alright? And I shouldn’t have blamed you for losing the client. It’s not your fault and I’m sorry. And,” Kakuzu paused, “I’m sorry for what I said about you fucking everything up. You don’t. I was wrong.” 

Hidan didn’t respond to that, but tightened his arm around Kakuzu and pressed his face against his chest, away from the sun.  
  
They sat there for several minutes in silence until Kakuzu spoke up, “I’m curious about this hotel, I hope we’ll like it.”  
  
Hidan made a face that Kakuzu couldn’t see, regretting booking the Clown Motel. Kakuzu was _not_ going to think it was very funny when he saw it. Which was ironic because clowns were supposed to be hilarious. Sighing again, he pressed closer to Kakuzu. He had a bad feeling about their honeymoon.

They had been fighting too much, too often. About everything. He was tired of it, knew Kakuzu was, too. And now he had booked their honeymoon at the Clown Motel. What the fuck had he been thinking?! He wanted to die then and there. It may very well be the last straw for their marriage.

Kakuzu was going to hate him for it, he was absolutely sure of it. He hated himself for it already. 


	2. Jolly, Giggles, and Creeps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They arrive and meet the owner of the motel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meant to update yesterday but I've been super busy with work and also wasn't feeling good, still not feeling good but really wanted to get this chapter up. Please enjoy.

Once back on the road, Kakuzu drove slower, keeping a close eye on his husband who had the air conditioner blowing full blast on him, freezing the entire car. It seemed to help so he didn’t say anything about it and simply closed the vents blowing on him to give Hidan more air. 

Finally the road straightened out and Hidan started looking better, at least he wasn’t as pale and sweaty anymore.

“Where the hell are we going?” Kakuzu wanted to know, “There’s literally nothing out here.”  
  
“Honestly, I don’t know where the hell we are, and I think we’re in another state now.”  
  
“We are. I think you threw up on the stateline actually.”  
  
“Nice… what a memory we’ll have of that, tell all our friends and I’ll kill you.”  
  
“Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to tell them just as soon as we get home.”  
  
“Bastard… keep that up and I’ll get sick on you next. Anyways, your phone says we’ll be there in fifteen minutes.” Hidan looked back out the window. It was mostly desert but it looked like there were some buildings near the hills in the distance and he guessed that must be where the hotel was.

“Hidan… I really don’t know why you would book a place way out here, but I hope you’re happy with it. Maybe I should have helped...” No, he _knew_ he should have helped. They should have planned it together. Like a normal couple would do. And not last minute as a way to get Hidan to shut up about not getting a honeymoon seven years ago. But no. He had been too busy working, which seemed to be his excuse for a lot of things lately. Working. On his day off. 

He really hadn’t wanted to help at the time, if he was honest, it wasn’t that important to him. To him it was just a trip, which they had gone on plenty over the years. It was, however, important to Hidan, his feelings had been hurt and he could be vindictive when he wanted to be. So it should have been important to Kakuzu. And now he was paying for it he was sure. He had a bad feeling that whatever hotel Hidan had booked was solely to get back at him.  
  
Not even there yet and Hidan knew he wasn’t going to be happy at all with his choice of hotel and sunk lower in his seat, a hand covering his eyes to block the brightness of the sunlight. Sometimes, he really hated how impulsive he was and wasn’t sure how (or even _why_ ) Kakuzu put up with him for so long. 

Kakuzu might have gotten them either a nice hotel room in Las Vegas, and they could have ordered room service and made out in a fancy jacuzzi bathtub in the room before Hidan found himself bent over the back of a couch. Or more likely, he would have gotten one of the nice cabins up in the mountains and they could snuggle together in front of the fireplace where Kakuzu would make love to him on the floor one night, and fuck his brains out the next.

Instead, Hidan booked them a suite at a creepy motel in the middle of nowhere as a joke! He groaned and closed his eyes, his head still pounding from his migraine. How sexy was _a clown theme room_ going to be?! And what if instead of plain bathrobes, there were clown costumes to put on?

Kakuzu glanced over at him, concerned at how pale Hidan had gone again, “Are you going to be sick again? Should I pull over?”

“I think I can make it but I’ll let you know.” 

After several deep breaths and several more minutes passed, Hidan opened his eyes again.

“I think it’ll be fun, this place.” Hidan said, sounding like he was trying to convince himself and failing, “And hey, if it’s not, maybe we can go somewhere for your birthday this summer and call it our second honeymoon?”  
  
Kakuzu didn’t like the sound of that and kept his comments to himself, grinding his teeth as they approached the town. It looked like the kind of place where if you blinked, you would drive past it without even realizing you missed anything. Or the kind of place where you were murdered in your sleep and buried out in the middle of the desert where no one would ever find your body. 

Kakuzu peered out the windshield as he slowed, “Looks like an old mining town…”  
  
“It is,” Hidan told him, sounding tired, “they mined silver out of the hills here,” Hidan told him, sitting up a bit. He had read about the cemetery on the same property as the motel, and how many of the dead buried there had died in a mine fire and later of the plague. At the time, it sounded pretty cool. 

“You’re interested in mining history or something?” Kakuzu asked. He didn’t Hidan was but they didn’t really talk as much as they used to. Hidan’s earlier comment still rang in his mind. Maybe he really was interested in mining, and Kakuzu just didn’t know about it. Hidan had unusual interests at times. And mining was something he could even see Hidan doing, strangely enough.

“Um, not really, but mining is pretty cool, right? Digging underground, the risk of possibly suffocating or having the tunnels cave in, explosions. Exciting shit.” Maybe he was a little interested, he thought. At least, in mining disasters anyways, and there were plenty of those to read up about.

On the road before them, a bright blue and pink striped pole loomed in the distance. On the top of it was a sign with a clown with bright orange hair and the words ‘Clown Motel’ in big red letters.

“Oh no.” Kakuzu groaned as they got closer. 

_‘You have arrived at your destination, on the right!’_ the cheerful voice on his phone’s navigation app chirped at him.

“Oh hell no!” Kakuzu shouted as he pulled into the parking lot, and slammed his hand on the steering wheel,“Hidan! Tell me this is some kind of stupid fucking joke of yours! Tell me there’s somewhere else we’re going and this is just a horrible detour on the way there as a bad joke!”  
  
Hidan actually thought he was going to be sick again and groaned, his stomach lurching as the car came to a sudden stop in the parking lot. He couldn’t even enjoy the look on Kakuzu’s face staring out the windshield at the mural of a giant clown named ‘Jolly’ that towered over the parking lot as he covered his mouth with his hand and took several deep breaths through his nose, desperately trying to get his stomach under control.

Kakuzu opened his mouth to say something more, about how he hoped there was a divorce lawyer in town because they were going to need one but one look at Hidan who looked like he was about to be sick and Kakuzu bit his tongue and got out. 

Saying that would be going way too far unless he truly meant it. Never once in all the years they had been together, and all their arguments and disagreements, had either of them thrown that word around, never once had they talked about breaking up even before they were married. 

Kakuzu didn’t like that he had even thought it, tasteless joke or not, he wasn’t sure which, and it didn’t sit well with him. They both knew it was a very real possibility if things didn’t change, but neither had used it as a threat or mentioned it. For once, Hidan’s migraines might have done them both some good.

Kakuzu walked around the car taking his time to try and calm himself down, before opening Hidan’s door, “Alright, Hidan, get out,” his voice quiet now, “the fresh air will do you good. Just don’t you dare throw up on me.”  
  
“You aren’t going to yell at me?” The cool air that hit his face once the door was opened did seem to help with his car sickness, along with the fact that they were no longer moving, and that Kakuzu wasn’t shouting at him.  
  
“Why? And make you even more miserable than you clearly already are? No. I think we’ve both done more than enough yelling at each other for one day.” When Hidan didn’t move to get out, Kakuzu reached over and unbuckled his seatbelt and held out his hand. Hidan easily took it, feeling clammy, and Kakuzu wrapped his fingers around his, hoping Hidan didn’t notice how his hand trembled. 

How could he have been so close to saying such a thing? It would have deeply hurt Hidan, and their relationship further. He didn’t want that, Hidan was precious to him. They needed to talk, but he didn’t think the Clown Motel was the place for it. As he helped his clown of a husband out, he tried not to think about what he had nearly said in anger. 

“Watch it! There’s some ice--” Kakuzu tried to warn him, but Hidan stepped right onto the ice next to the car and slipped, cursing as he did so. Pulling him close so he didn’t go down and land on his face, Hidan’s face was instead smashed against Kakuzu’s chest, trapped safely there by strong arms.

“You alright?” 

Hidan’s hands fisted in the material of Kakzu’s shirt to keep from falling and he whined, “Why the shit is there ice here?!”  
  
“We’re up in the mountains. In winter. That’s why.”  
  
“But it looks like a desert.”

Kakuzu simply rolled his eyes and helped Hidan steady himself on his feet, ruffling his already messy hair as he did so. There was a bench next to the huge ‘Jolly’ mural and Kakuzu got Hidan to sit there. He really should have known better than to allow Hidan to book a place on his own, and wanted to say so, wanted to ask what the hell he had been thinking, but looking at him, he had a feeling Hidan was already very much regretting his choice of hotel. And really, he _should_ have helped plan their honeymoon and should be apologizing for not doing so. 

Maybe Hidan was onto something about a second honeymoon. One they planned together. That was a conversation for later though. They would need to get through the first one before thinking of a second. 

“Tell me, how did you find this hotel of horrors?”  
  
In the cold air Hidan shivered and pressed closer to Kakuzu, trying to soak up some of his warmth as he said, “I was looking up weird but cheap hotels. It seemed like a real fuckin’ hilarious idea at the time. And _yes_ , before you ask, I wanted to get back at you, I’ll fully admit that. Now it just feels like this whole trip is cursed.” Looking around, he pointed to the side of the parking lot where some steps lead down to the old graveyard in a dirt lot right beside the hotel, “Oh, hey look, the cemetery.” 

“Great… we get clowns and dead people. How very romantic. I would have gone for something up in the mountains myself, with a fireplace, maybe even a hot tub,” Kakuzu paused, giving Hidan a serious look, “Please don’t tell me you have some latent clown fetish.”  
  
“ _What?!_ Fuck no! Don’t even suggest that!”  
  
“Good. Now, if you’re feeling well enough, let’s go inside the ‘museum’ shall we? And get our room key so you can lay down.” 

The museum was just the motel office, with a sign that boasted about being haunted by ghosts of clowns. Kakuzu and Hidan both thought it very well could be, as it was filled with what had to be tens of thousands of clown figurines of all sizes. At least one had to be haunted. There was a large tree with spindly branches where hundreds of clown ornaments were hanging from ribbons in the center of the room and in the corner was a gift shop area with t-shirts, hoodies and stickers all with the motel’s logo on them. 

“Well, isn’t this spectacularly nightmarish?” Kakuzu asked as he looked around.

Hidan only grunted his agreement.  
  
“My precious clowns do not appreciate being called ‘nightmarish’.” 

Startled, Hidan and Kakuzu jumped to find someone standing right behind them. They hadn’t even heard him.

“Are you staying the night? Or did you just come to gawk like most people do?” He asked.  
  
“Who the fuck are you?” Hidan asked.  
  
“Sasori. I own this place. Who the fuck are _you?”_  
  
“Who the fuck are we?” Kakuzu repeated, “Your guests. Unfortunately.” Kakuzu told him. 

“Ah, one of you must be Hidan?” Sasori asked as he looked between them.

Kakuzu and Hidan exchanged a look, both of them realizing that they must be the only people staying that night for the owner to know his guests by name before they even arrived. Not a good sign.

“That’s me,” Hidan sighed, holding up a hand.

“Wonderful. Don’t you look like death warmed over. You know, many of those buried in the cemetery right here on the property died in a plague that swept through here about a hundred years ago. I hope you haven’t caught it and brought it back, though the cemetery always has room for more,” Sasori said ominously as he made his way behind the counter and checked them in on the computer.

“I’m not sick.”  
  
Large brown eyes swept over Hidan, “Oh no? You certainly look it.”  
  
“He’s always pale like that, practically glows in the dark,” Kakuzu said as he looked around at the figurines, Sasori didn’t need to know anything about Hidan’s migraine or anything else, “Creepy things…” 

Letting out a breath in irritation, Sasori muttered, “They’re not creepy, they’re precious.” Then handed over the room keycards to Hidan, “Your keys. Don’t lose them, I’ll charge you twenty five for each lost key. Would you two happy honeymooners like a picture taken with Giggles? He loves having his picture taken with guests,” Sasori paused, his eyes moving over to Giggles to take on an adoring gaze, “Isn’t that right, Giggles?” 

Hidan and Kakuzu exchanged uncomfortable looks.

“Giggles?” Hidan asked.

“How do you know we’re on our honeymoon?” Kakuzu wanted to know.

“Your glow-in-the-dark husband put it in the notes when he booked the room, requesting something romantic on the bed as a surprise, which I have asked my nephew to go to the trouble of arranging for you. I hope you’ll find it very romantic. I have no idea what he's left for you It'll be a surprise for all of us.”  
  
Kakuzu pointed at Sasori, “Somehow I think you and I have very different ideas of what’s romantic…” He felt himself being pulled towards the center of the room where there was a plush, purple velvet bench with a life-size and very life-like clown standing next to it. It was posed so that it looked like it was bending down for a photo with anyone sitting on the bench. It’s hair was pulled back in a pony tail, so black it seemed to reflect blue under the light.

Kakuzu halted in his steps as he took it all in and Hidan threw him a questioning look, “C'mon, let’s get a picture with the freaky Giggles.”  
  
“No.” Kakuzu said and yanked Hidan back and put his arm protectively around his shoulders, not wanting to take another step towards it. Just looking at it made the hair on the back of his neck stand up, every alarm bell sounding in his head. It was _far_ too life-like for his comfort, probably just made with a real human wig but still, it was disturbing to say the least. Why Hidan would want a picture taken with it was beyond him, “I am not having my picture taken with that _thing_. It’s absolutely horrific. Hidan, let’s go.”  
  
As Kakuzu walked past ‘Giggles’ he scoffed at it, “It looks more like you should have named it ‘Twisty’. Creepy thing.”  
  
“You’re both very rude,” Sasori called after them as they left through the door, “Giggles doesn’t like rude guests, do you, Giggles? No. No he does not!”  
  
Exchanging looks, Hidan and Kakuzu hurried back to the car, “The room’s at the end of the building, near the street. I’m just gonna walk.” Hidan told Kakuzu over the top of the car.

“I was going to suggest it. I’ll wait for you there. Don’t lag behind, that guy in there creeps me out, this whole place creeps me out. And I don’t trust him one bit.” 

Hanging back, Hidan breathed in deeply and walked over to the edge of the parking lot to get a better look at the cemetery. It was larger than he expected it to be, easily two hundred graves and it looked like there was extra land that hadn’t been used. 

“Like what you see?”  
  
Hidan jumped, startled once again by Sasori, “Shit, man, don’t creep up on me like that!”  
  
“Open your ears then. That’s twice now I’ve snuck up on you. You should pay better attention to what’s around you.” He followed Hidan’s gaze out at the cemetery, “The ones in the first two rows were miners, killed in a fire up there in that mine,” Sasori pointed to a hill that was fenced off. Old mining equipment sat, unused and rusting near an opening, “You can go up there and check it out, but you can’t go in of course for safety reasons. It’s unstable.”  
  
“Yeah, alright, why the hell not check it out. That all there is to do around here?”  
  
“Pretty much. There’s a couple of casinos down the street. Antique shops, things like that.” 

Hidan didn’t think Kakuzu would be interested in a casino and sighed, still not feeling too good, “Hey, you got any water or something? I’ve got a bad migraine.”  
  
After a moment, Sasori nodded and went back inside the museum office and returned with two pills and a bottle of water, unscrewing the cap before handing it to Hidan who took it with a muttered ‘thanks’.

Sasori offered Hidan a bland smile, “My pleasure. There’s a free breakfast in the morning, right here in the museum, served until nine. Don't be late.”  
  
Hidan put both pills in his mouth, wondering what they were but figured they must be for headaches and swallowed them down with the water. Then he turned towards where their room was at the end of the parking lot. Kakuzu motioned for him as he took a suitcase from the trunk, “Free food, nice. Well, I better go help. See you around, Creeps. Tell your Freaky Giggles hi for me.” 

“You two have the worst manners I’ve ever seen.” Sasori muttered, “Someone ought to teach you both a lesson.”

“Good luck with that,” Hidan called over his shoulder. 

* * *

Kakuzu shut the trunk as Hidan finally joined him, “What was he saying to you? I told you I don’t trust him.”  
  
“Damn, relax… he was just telling me what there is to do around here. The abandoned mine, a casino. Hey there’s antique shops, maybe you want to check them out together?” Hidan lifted his suitcase and followed Kakuzu up the steps to their room. 

Kakuzu perked up at that, “I do, maybe we’ll find something good.” He unlocked the door and pushed it open after a dramatic pause.

Looking around once they were inside, Kakuzu ground his teeth together, struggling not to shout at Hidan when he still looked miserable, but they _would_ have words later… he might even choke him out for good measure. No, he decided, he’d enjoy that too much. To Hidan, that would be a treat, not a punishment.

Hidan dropped his suitcase just inside the door and went to throw himself on the bed when he caught sight of what was on the bed and froze mid leap. He stumbled, twisting around to grab onto Kakuzu to keep from falling, his bottle of water falling from his hands. Kakuzu caught both him and the water and Hidan felt a surge of pride towards his husband but it was short lived as he turned back to stare at the bed. 

“What in all of holy hell is _that?! That’s_ the romantic surprise?!” Hidan shrieked, wrinkling his face up in disgust at what he saw. 

They stared at the bed, creeping closer with Hidan still clinging to Kakuzu. In the center were two nude puppets with clown makeup painted on their faces and had been posed in a manner to look like they were having sex. 

“What is that shit? Clown puppets? And they’re fucking?!” Hidan asked as he let go of his husband, “Ugh… I was hoping for like some fucking wine, chocolate, and maybe even some candles so we could burn this dump down and make an injury claim to get our money back.”  
  
“ _Your_ money.” Kakuzu pointed out through clenched teeth as he let go of Hidan and shoved him away, “And really, you expected all that from a _clown theme motel?_ You’re out of your mind… You’re a bigger clown than Jolly out in the parking lot.” He held out the bottle of water and handed it to Hidan who was looking at him for a moment, registering all of what Kakuzu just said. 

“Wait… _my_ money? So what, you consider our money separate now? That’s news to me! Fuck this…” Hidan sent the puppets sailing across the room from the bed with a well aimed kick before digging through his suitcase to get some clothes, his toothbrush, toothpaste, and face wash.

“Hidan, wait! I didn’t mean--”  
  
“And fuck you _and_ your money. You money grubbing heathen asshole bastard! Greed is a sin! And you’re the greediest bastard I know!” Hidan shouted as he stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. Kakuzu could hear the lock click and he sighed as he sat heavily on the bed.

“That’s not what I meant!”

“Oh yeah?!” Came Hidan’s voice through the door, “That’s what it sure sounded like! Ugh… stop making me shout, my head is fucking killing me!” 

The sound of the shower came on, followed seconds later by a frightened yelp but Kakuzu didn’t bother trying to ask if Hidan was alright. If he really needed something, he would say so. It was probably just a cockroach. So Kakuzu sat there in the room alone with his thoughts. 

Wanting to make an effort, and to keep his word to Hidan, he took out his phone and called up his business partner, Madara, and told him to take over answering all emails for the rest of the weekend, including Monday and Tuesday. 

“Don’t you sound cheerful. I take it the honeymoon’s not going so well?” Madara asked after telling him not to worry, that he could take care of things for him.

“Don’t ask,” Kakuzu sighed, “It’s been nothing but a disaster so far. Hidan’s been sick from a migraine, we’ve done nothing but fight, and you don’t even want to know where he booked us to stay...”  
  
“Your own fault. I told you to go home and plan it with him… bet he took you someplace awful just to get back at you,” there was a long pause and then Madara went on, “Listen... Kakuzu, we’re friends. So let me give you some advice you didn’t ask for: If you want your marriage to last, you had better make more of an effort!”

“I’m trying! That’s why I called you to take care of everything while I’m gone.” 

“Well, it’s a start, especially for a workaholic like yourself, but I think you’d better try harder. Love only goes so far,” Madara sighed, “I would know.”  
  
He was right, and Kakuzu knew it, he had seen what happened between Madara and Hashirama. Love hadn’t been enough for them. On it’s own, love just wasn’t ever enough.

Madara went on, “I hope things get better between you two, I sincerely mean it. I’ll take care of things here. Now get off the phone with me and go try and enjoy your time with your husband. He adores you, and you adore him or you wouldn't have put up with things this long.” He hung up before Kakuzu could respond. 

With that done, Kakuzu felt a weight off his shoulders and decided that maybe he needed to start delegating more tasks to not only Madara but their employees, too, rather than try to do everything himself. Then he considered Madara’s words. He needed to make things right with Hidan… but it would take effort from both sides. Hidan wasn’t innocent in how their relationship had gotten to this point.

As Hidan’s shower took longer than usual, Kakuzu found that the longer he sat there, the less he felt like he was alone in the room and the more he felt as if he were being watched..

Clown paintings hung on the walls. Clown figurines decorated the dresser across from the bed, and the shelves on the walls had clown dolls sitting on them. All facing the bed. The curtains were red and white striped to look like a circus tent, the walls painted blood red. It was unsettling. 

He absolutely hated it and wanted to just leave and go for a walk, but he and Hidan really needed to talk. Letting him stew over a careless comment longer than necessary would just have it blow up into yet another fight. He was so very sick and tired of fighting with his husband, they couldn’t keep doing it anymore. Something had to change. One way or another. 

Finally, Hidan stepped out of the bathroom in sweatpants, no shirt, and with damp hair. He looked better, had some color back in his face but was still not one hundred percent and clearly upset over what Kakuzu had said. His eyes were red rimmed with dark smudges under them, and Kakuzu knew Hidan had been crying in there, whether from feeling so bad on the drive with his migraine and being exhausted, or from what he had said to him throughout the course of the day, or a combination of it all, it didn’t matter. It hurt to see Hidan looking like that and knowing he was partly to blame.

Keeping his voice down to not bother his headache, Kakuzu said, “Hidan, we should talk. Let me explain.”  
  
Hidan shook his head and pulled the blankets on the bed back, “Not now, I’m takin’ a nap… you’re a greedy bastard with anger issues and I knew it when I fuckin’ married you… but I was a fuck up then and apparently still am… Kuzu, I really don’t feel good, I just want to sleep.” He got into bed with a groan and made himself as comfortable as possible.

They had called each other worse before, so Kakuzu ignored it and leaned down and kissed Hidan’s cheek as he pulled the blankets up over his shoulders, “Alright, get some rest. I’m going for a walk to see what’s around here, if you need anything just call me. I’ll be back in a little bit. And here, drink your water, you don’t want to get dehydrated at high altitudes.”

“Yes, daddy,” Hidan sighed as he took the bottle from him and drank a mouthful of it before setting it on the nightstand and laying back down, his back to Kakuzu and the door. 

“Don’t call me that unless you want me to put you over my knee and give you a much deserved spanking.” 

Hidan didn’t even move as he mumbled, “Normally I’d be more than tempted but right now, I’ll pass.” 

Kakuzu knew he hadn’t been very nice to Hidan at all the entire day. It shouldn’t have taken making him sick to realize it. Feeling guilty, he rubbed Hidan’s back for him for a few minutes, letting his fingers massage up into his hair, smiling as Hidan made a quiet noise and leaned into his touch. Keeping his voice low, Kakuzu told him he asked Madara to take care of all emails and work, to which Hidan only grunted his response, before leaving to go take a walk and see what was nearby. 

There had to be something other than clowns, dead miners, and a casino.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading, comments and kudos are very much appreciated and help me know people are interested and it really helps keep me motivated to continue working on this.


	3. Dinner for One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to update but that happens sometimes. I've been dealing with a lot of stuff recently. I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, but I can't look at it anymore.

Hidan tried to fall asleep, he was worn out and exhausted, and though he had a hard time keeping his eyes open, he also just couldn’t get to sleep. It felt as if he was being watched, and no wonder. There were clown paintings, clown figurines, and clown lamps all over the room. Even the puppets that had been on the bed seemed to be peering up at him from where they landed on the floor across the room with vacant, soulless eyes.

It wasn’t even funny. It was just downright creepy, even to Hidan who loved creepy things. 

Unable to sleep, he just laid there under the blankets with his eyes closed. At least he was out of the car, his migraine was easing, and the room was nice and cool. Almost cold even, and he snuggled further under the covers. But the best thing was that he wasn’t in the car moving anymore. 

After what he thought was an hour and a half of cat napping, he was feeling better and sat up, stretched and then realized how thirsty he was and drank half the bottle of water. Maybe he was a bit dehydrated, Kakuzu always seemed to know what he was talking about. 

After that he decided to go outside for some fresh air and so he got up, took his key card for the door and stepped out onto the walkway. It was a nice view at least. He could see the desert and the mountains with snow on them in the distance. It would be nice if Kakuzu was there. He would put his arm around him, and snuggle close. But then he remembered what Kakuzu had said about their money.

With a sigh, he leaned on the railing and looked down at the old cemetery. There were a lot of graves, and he wanted to check them out but saw someone walk around from the back of the building over by the cemetery. He looked a bit like Sasori but taller and broader, and his hair wasn’t as bright red. 

Hidan must have caught his eye because he looked over at him and shouted, “Hey! Put some clothes on!” 

“Fuck you!” Hidan had a feeling that it was Sasori’s nephew.

“Nah, I’m good thanks! Hope you enjoyed the romantic surprise!” He laughed and walked towards the motel office and went inside.

Just then Kakuzu walked into the parking lot from the street and came up the stairs.

“Did I just hear you shouting at someone? And why aren’t you resting?”

“I saw the kid who put those sex clowns on our bed. And I couldn’t really sleep.”

Kakuzu raised a brow in question and waited for him to elaborate.

“Don’t you dare fucking laugh at me but, it felt like,” pausing, Hidan wasn’t sure he wanted to explain but did anyways, and it came out in a rush, “felt like I was being watched.”

“You’re the one who chose this place,” Kakuzu reminded him, then looked down at Hidan’s bare chest, “Have you been out here long?”

“Five, maybe ten minutes.”

“You’ll get cold,” his eyes landed on one nipple, then the other, and smirked, “I think you already are.”

“Hey! Don’t stare at my tits!” 

“You’ve got them out for anyone and everyone to see, I’ll look if I want. You’re my husband and this is our honeymoon. I hope I’ll be doing more to them than just looking,” Kakuzu let his eyes slide down Hidan’s chest to where his sweatpants hung low around his hips, revealing his happy trail of pale, grey hair. The sight made his heart race and he wrapped Hidan in his arms, kissing the side of his neck and felt him shiver. 

God, Hidan could still turn him on like nothing else, even after all the years they had been together. He was sure no one else would ever be able to hold his interest even half as long. Kakuzu ran his tongue along his pulse point and Hidan sucked in a breath as he wrapped his arms around Kakuzu’s neck.

Holding each other close, Kakuzu chose that moment to apologize, “Listen to me. I’m sorry for what I said about the money. I don’t consider our money separate. It just came out that way. You paid for this without me knowing, on your card that you pay from your bank account. That’s  _ all  _ I meant. The money I make, it’s ours. You know that, it has been since we got serious. You’re on my bank account, I’m on yours. We have a shared credit card that you normally use. Any money from my business is just as much yours as it is mine.”

“You really mean it?” Hidan tightened his arms as he shivered, the temperature had started to drop.

Kakuzu pulled away, wanting to see Hidan’s face, “Of course I do. It’s  _ ours _ . Now get back inside, don’t want you coming down with anything.” 

Hidan nodded and they let go of each other so Kakuzu could open the door. Once open, and Hidan took a step to go inside, he felt lightheaded and took hold of Kakuzu’s arm to steady himself.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m fine,” He lied, giving Kakuzu a small smile as he gave himself a moment to regain his balance before going back inside.

Once in, Kakuzu leaned over to kiss the side of his neck as he shut the door. 

Hidan laughed and turned around so they were facing each other, “This won’t be so bad, right? We’re out here, with no responsibilities from work, nothing to interrupt us at all! And there’s no noisy traffic. And hey, maybe we can get some lunch from somewhere and head up to the mountains and spend the day away from this crap hole town!”

“That sounds perfect. But right now…”

“Right now let’s get some use outta this bed.”

Hidan pushed Kakuzu down onto the bed and climbed into his lap for a kiss, sighing as he felt Kakuzu’s large, rough hands on his bare stomach making their way down lower. 

As their kissing grew more heated, and Hidan began to undress Kakuzu, trailing kisses down his chest while running his hands down his sides, he noticed Kakuzu wasn’t as into it as he was before and opened his eyes to find him looking around the room as he halfheartedly moved to kiss him back.

“Hidan…” Kakuzu pulled away.

“Hey, pay attention to me,” Hidan attempted to capture his lips in a kiss, giving him a little tongue, hoping to catch his interest again. 

But Kakuzu pulled back once more. “What you said about feeling like you were being watched…”

“Aw, dammit…” 

“I can’t… this isn’t working right now.” 

Hidan looked away, unable to help the hurt and rejection he felt and moved to slide off Kakuzu’s lap but was caught around the waist.

“It’s really not you.” Kakuzu tried to assure him.

“Yeah, I know. Well, what if I...?” He reached between them, palming Kakuzu through his jeans but got nowhere and they both sighed in defeat. 

Hidan slid off onto the bed and looked around. He had felt it too, especially after Kakuzu had pointed it out. So many eyes on them, but hoped they could ignore it. Obviously not. His returning dizziness wasn’t helping matters either, and with their excitement fading, they simply just laid there together for a while, “This is nice, too…” Hidan mumbled, thinking he might be able to finally fall asleep with Kakuzu there. 

“It is,” Kakuzu reached a hand up to run his fingers through Hidan’s hair and after a while said, “I found a place for dinner, it’s an old saloon they’ve turned into a restaurant and hotel. They have a poker table, some slot machines and blackjack. I’ll take you under two conditions, you do not get drunk, and you do not go wild with the gambling.” 

“I’ll agree to that. But, my money, you know?” He wasn’t sure he even wanted to eat at all, he had been feeling better after his attempted nap, but the lightheaded feeling had returned, and every time he moved it felt like the room was spinning.

“I know.”

“But don’t worry, I don’t really feel like gambling tonight.” As it was he wasn’t feeling particularly lucky.

Leaning down, Kakuzu kissed him. There were times Hidan could be a reasonable man, and this seemed like one of them, though he was sure part of him being so subdued was due to him not feeling one hundred percent better, but he would take it. 

“It’s early still, let’s see if they have any channels on this television,” Kakuzu propped some pillows up behind himself. Hidan snuggled up close, resting his head on Kakuzu’s chest, wishing his dizziness would just go away.

All that was available were local channels showing nothing but infomercials about how to buy real estate for five dollars, a home shopping channel, a news station from a town they had never heard of, and a list of movies and programs that came free with the room.

_ Murder at the Clown Motel _

_ Murder at the Clown Motel Part Two _

_ One Stroke Painting with Sai _

_ Ghost Towns of Fire Country _

_ Massacre at the Clown Motel Part One _

_ Escape from the Clown Motel _

“Alright, that’s enough--” Kakuzu was about to turn the TV off when Hidan grabbed the remote control from him.

“Nah, we paid good money for this shit, let’s enjoy it! I wanna watch Murder at the Clown Motel.”

“You won’t need to watch it because you can experience it when it happens to us tonight! You should watch the one where they escape, so we know how to get out of here.” 

While Kakuzu had been talking, Hidan selected and started the movie. A low budget production, it had been filmed at the motel they were staying in. Sasori even played a part in it as himself, looking just as creepy as he had earlier. Even his nephew was in it, Kankuro, which they assumed was his real name as Sasori was using his real name.

“Hey, that looks like our suite!” Hidan pointed out as the couple on screen were being murdered by clowns in the middle of the night.

Rolling his eyes, Kakuzu groaned as he started to extract himself from Hidan and get out of bed, “Nice. Very romantic, Hidan. Great honeymoon. I’ll be in the bathroom getting ready to go to dinner. If you start to feel scared, come join me and sit on the toilet.” 

“Fuck you, too… oh wait, you can’t get it up with clowns watching...” Hidan snickered, only half joking because he himself had the same issue and hoped Kakuzu hadn’t noticed, “Hey, don’t shake the bed so much.”

“You’re not still feeling sick, are you?” Kakuzu bent down and looked at him. He didn’t look all that well. “Be honest. Lying’s a sin and all that, remember?”

“Oh, so you do listen when I talk about religion,” Hidan sighed, “I’ll be fine, it’s nothing like before. You know how bad migraines can be.”

“You should drink more water, you haven’t even finished this.” Kakuzu placed the bottle of water in Hidan’s hands and went to get ready for dinner. 

Alone, Hidan situated himself against the pile of pillows. With the horror movie on, and the sun setting, he started feeling a little spooked and jumped when he heard someone dash up stairs, his heart pounding in his chest. 

Kakuzu stepped out of the bathroom to find the movie had been shut off and Hidan was curled up under the blankets, the bottle of water empty beside him. At least he had gotten something to drink into him. 

“Hidan? Come on, wake up, let’s go get something for dinner.” 

“I’m real dizzy again…” Hidan mumbled, “don’t wanna get up or eat.”

Frowning, Kakuzu felt his forehead. No fever, that was a good sign at least. 

“I’m going to get something to eat without you then. I’m starving. And you haven’t eaten all day, that pastry doesn’t count.”

“Ugh, don’t mention that thing.”

“Want me to bring you back anything? Ribs? Steak? Fries? A burger?”

Hidan made a noncommittal noise, “Whatever you want to get me. I don’t know… nothing heavy.” 

Hidan refusing food was alarming, and Kakuzu’s frown deepened, “Maybe I should see if there’s a doctor around here I could take you to instead. I’m worried about you. They could give you a shot or something.”

“Nah, I’ll be fine in the morning.” Hidan said, opening his eyes to look up at him and his eyes watered. Kakuzu had dressed up in a dark charcoal colored button down shirt and his nice jeans, his hair was pulled back into a bun. He had dressed up for their dinner date. He looked so handsome, and Hidan hated that he couldn't even get out of bed and enjoy going out with him, “I just need to get some sleep. It’s nothing serious, I promise.” 

“Alright, get your sleep then. I’ll lock the door. Don’t be upset, Hidan.” Kakuzu ran his hand over Hidan’s face, pushing his hair back and cupping his cheek, “If you need anything, you have your phone nearby?”

“Mmm… no. It’s… I don’t remember where I left it.” 

After a quick search, Kakuzu found it in the bathroom in his jeans pocket. He put it on vibrate and stuck it under the pillow, “I’ll be back in a little bit. If you feel worse, call me. I’ll come right back.” 

“Wait. Kakuzu,” Hidan called as Kakuzu stood in the doorway. He chewed his bottom lip, eyes flooding with tears, “I… I’m so tired of arguing with you about everything.”

“I know. So am I,” Kakuzu sighed, “let’s just try and enjoy the weekend like you said. Get some rest. We’ll work things out. We always do. We’re just having a rough patch.”

“I don’t like it.”

“You shouldn’t like it, that’s a good thing,” He closed the door and came back to sit on the edge of the bed, “And I don’t like it either. We’re going to get through this. Together.”

Hidan reached out to take his hand, lacing their fingers together, “I’m not as dumb as people think, and it’s been unsaid between us. But something has to give, because neither of us wants to live like this the rest of our lives.” 

“I know.” Kakuzu’s voice was so low that he barely heard himself, “And just so you know, I’ve never thought you were dumb.” He squeezed Hidan’s hand and wiped his tears with his free hand. Seeing Hidan like that made him want to stay with him and not have dinner at all, but he was so hungry.

“Why don’t you just order take out? Eat here in the room with me? I really don't want to be alone right now.” Hidan pushed himself up, regretting it as the room spun and he eased himself back down with a groan.

“I didn’t think you would want to smell food while you’re feeling sick, I was being considerate towards you. That’s what people who love each other do.”

Hidan’s eyes filled with tears again. He didn’t want to be alone, didn’t want Kakuzu to go out to eat without him, but he was touched that Kakuzu was thinking of him. “Migraines fuckin’ suck…” 

“Are you sure this is related to your migraine?”

“What else would it be?”

Kakuzu didn’t answer. Hidan had been feeling better and then suddenly wasn’t. Something didn’t seem quite right. His stomach growled loudly then and he sighed, “I’ll be back as soon as I can, alright? I’m so hungry, I’ll be the one sick next if I don’t eat soon.”

“Alright, go and eat,” Hidan mumbled again as Kakuzu kissed the top of his head.

“Just rest, and if you can, get up and lock the door from the inside,” Kakuzu told him. He left their room, shutting the door behind him softly and started down the steps. At the bottom of the stairs, he stopped, wanting to scream, or punch the railing. He was just so frustrated with everything and eating dinner alone while his husband tried to sleep off a massive migraine at the Clown Motel was not how or where he wanted to spend his honeymoon! 

In bed, Hidan squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop the flow of tears as he listened to Kakuzu’s footsteps going down the stairs. Tears fell from his eyes and soaked into the pillow. He didn’t want to be alone, had wanted to go eat out with Kakuzu so much. They rarely ever did and not being able to made him angry and upset with himself. He had wanted to have sex, wanted to have a good time. Instead neither of them could get in the mood, and he was sick in bed and unable to get up to go out with his own husband if he wanted to. 

“I’m so fucking stupid…” he mumbled to himself and just let himself cry without holding it back any more, feeling like complete shit. 

* * *

Kakuzu was lonely without Hidan as he walked the empty streets. It was strange to be on what was supposed to be their honeymoon and be eating out alone while Hidan slept off his migraine in the hotel room. It was unusual for Hidan to pass up an opportunity to go out to eat, and Kakuzu knew it meant he was feeling worse than he was letting on. 

The restaurant he had wanted to take Hidan to wasn’t too long of a walk and he was glad for that. The thought of leaving Hidan alone too long didn’t sit well with him. As he walked up to the door of the restaurant, it didn’t appear to be too busy so he hoped to be able to get back to his clown of a husband before too long. 

“Just yourself?” A young man with long blond hair that had been pulled back into a neat ponytail asked as Kakuzu entered the restaurant. They really went a little overboard on the old west decor, Kakuzu thought as he looked around. Hidan would’ve gotten a kick out of it though. When Kakuzu finally nodded the young man motioned for him to follow and lead him to a small table by the window. 

“I’m Deidara, I’ll be your waiter tonight,” he had a friendly smile, “Anything to drink?” 

“Ice water.”

“You sound like lots of fun at parties. I’ll be right back with that.” 

Kakuzu just rolled his eyes and looked over the menu, noting everything Hidan would have liked but he wasn’t there, and he wasn’t even interested in eating at all. Hidan always liked soup when he wasn’t feeling well, and knowing what he wanted for himself, Kakuzu looked over the soup selections. Clam chowder, no, it would probably make him sicker. Vegetable, again, no… Chicken noodle sounded like the best choice for him. 

A glass of water was set down in front of him and Deidara stood there, pen hovering over a pad of paper, “Alright, what can I get you tonight?”

“Rib eye, medium rare.  _ Don’t  _ burn it,” Kakuzu said.

“Our chefs know how to cook steak, old man,” Deidara gave a dramatic roll of his eyes, and Kakuzu knew that yes, him and Hidan would have gotten along, “Anything else, hm?”

“Your chicken soup, but make it to go. And try not to get too many vegetables in it.”

“Saving it for later? Long drive?”

“Ah, no. Actually my husband isn’t feeling well, it’s for him.” Kakuzu didn’t know why he was telling his waiter that. 

“Oh, poor guy, but don’t worry! He’ll be feeling better in no time with that one! Are you two staying here in the hotel? There’s a coupon for a free dessert. Cake and ice cream, it’s pretty good, bet you two would like it! Everyone does, hm!” 

Kakuzu sighed, “No. We’re staying down the street. At the... the uh… Clown Motel.” He could feel his face heat up as he said it. He was going to kill Hidan if his migraine didn’t do him in first.

With a grimace, Deidara said, “My condolences, yeah… Can I give you a bit of advice?” 

Kakuzu shrugged, “Sure, why not?” It seemed everyone wanted to give him advice.

Once given permission, Deidara leaned towards him, keeping his voice low, “Lock the door to your room, block it with something heavy, don’t go into the cemetery at night, and do  _ not _ , under any circumstances, insult his stupid fucking clowns, yeah. There’s been some disappearances that’ve happened to guests staying there. They’ve never been found, no sign of foul play, but… well, have you met Sasori, hm? I would be surprised if he  _ hasn’t  _ killed someone before. Plus…” Deidara lowered his voice further, “his husband died but no one knows how. The funeral was closed casket, only close family was invited but no one came since they don’t live here. Did you meet Giggles? Looks  _ exactly  _ like him...” 

None of that sat well with Kakuzu. Hidan was alone in their room, not feeling well, likely sound asleep by then, and they had both insulted that creepy clown, Giggles. Goosebumps prickled across his skin.

“You insulted that thing already, didn’t you?” Deidara hummed, “I can tell by the look on your face. You shouldn’t have done that. You shouldn’t have booked a room there. You probably thought you were being funny but you’ll regret it, yeah.”

Kakuzu huffed, irritated, “Alright, alright. You give me the creeps, too. Congratulations. Are you sure you’re not the town detective?”

Offended, Deidara looked down his nose at Kakuzu, something he wouldn’t have been able to do had Kakuzu beed standing, “No, I’m  _ not  _ the ‘town detective’, but I do have a youtube channel where I investigate strange happenings around here with my friend, most are centered on that creepy motel. Believe me, there’s plenty that happens there. I wouldn’t be surprised if you and your husbands disappearances will be featured on my channel next!” 

Kakuzu sighed, “You watch too many murder movies.” 

“And you clearly don’t watch enough, yeah!” Deidara told him and then left in huff, offended. 

A few minutes later Kakuzu took out his phone and checked to see if Hidan had texted him but there were no messages, which hopefully meant he had been able to fall asleep and hadn’t been kidnapped by a possible five foot tall serial killer. 

Out of habit he wanted to check his work emails next, to make sure Madara had answered them. But he didn’t. He had made a promise to Hidan. Had even signed out of the account and had every intention of keeping his word to Hidan. Madara was capable, as were most of their employees, they would take care of things. 

His mind wandered back to Hidan, and he felt terrible for waking him up the way he had that morning, then blamed him for the loss of the client, the mean things he had said, making him sick from his driving. He knew how bad migraines were, he should have driven slower as soon as he knew Hidan wasn’t feeling well. 

“Here you are!” Deidara announced the arrival of his dinner, pulling Kakuzu from his thoughts, “And if you need anything else, just let me know!”

Kakuzu enjoyed his dinner, and there were no incidents that might have been caused had Hidan been there, but he was also so lonely and bored, jealous even, as he looked around and saw others with their significant others and friends. 

The only one in there alone was himself. As he thought about it, Hidan really hadn’t caused any incidents like with the lobster in recent memory. That had been early on in their relationship and by now he had mellowed out a bit with age. 

It wasn’t the same without Hidan there to make him laugh, or play footsie under the table with. When they weren’t arguing, they got along so well, Kakuzu couldn’t imagine them not being together. Although he also couldn’t imagine them being together for another seven years if they kept at each other's throats over every little thing. 

He decided it was time to let things like the lobster incident go so they could make new memories and laugh at the ones in the past. It was rather funny when he remembered the look on Hidan’s face when the lobster pinched him. 

As soon as he was finished eating, Deidara brought the soup in a to-go container, “I tried not to get too many vegetables in there, and gave you some packets of crackers, too. They always help when you’re not feeling well, right? Oh! We have a pretty good breakfast, better than anything at that clown place, if your husband's feeling up to it, come by with him, yeah?” 

“I’ll keep that in mind. And thank you, for the crackers,” Kakuzu said. It was pretty considerate of his waiter to do that and after he paid, he left the man a decent sized tip and left.

The walk back was cold, and as he rounded the edge of the building to walk into the parking lot, he glanced up at where their room was only to pause. Someone was up there, standing right in front of their door, too small and slight to be Hidan. They looked to be facing the room and he was sure he heard the click of a door but it could have been something else. Wanting to get to a better angle to see, Kakuzu took another step and gravel crunched beneath him. The figure then moved away from their door, and started down the wooden stairs. 

Sasori. What the hell was he doing up there?! All of Deidara’s words came back to him and it took everything in Kakuzu not to grab him by his coat and demand to know why he was up by their room. 

“Alone on your honeymoon?” Sasori asked as he stepped off the last stair and into the parking lot, not pausing at all, “That certainly doesn’t bode well, now does it?” 

Ignoring him, Kakuzu took the stairs two at a time. At the top, he watched as Sasori entered the motel office and then Kakuzu unlocked the door to the room, anxious to see Hidan and make sure he was still there. 

Relief washed over him to find Hidan was exactly where he left him in the bed, though he had made himself a nest out of the blankets and pillows like he always did when he fell asleep alone.

“Weren’t you already here?” Hidan mumbled as he opened his eyes.

“No, I just got back now,” Kakuzu told him and looked around, heart pounding, “Was someone in here?”

“Thought I heard the door... but I was also dreaming. Bring me anything?” Hidan moved to slowly sit up.

Kakuzu didn’t like the sound of that but the door had been locked and guessed that he probably had just heard Sasori walking by outside, the sound of a door could have been anything, could have even been another rooms door. Maybe his nephew stayed in one. 

But Kakuzu had seen him stopped at their door and was facing it. What the hell had he been doing? Was he some pervert trying to hear if they were having sex, or had he known Hidan was alone and was trying to get into the room to get to him? Or maybe he had just stopped there by coincidence and Hidan had been dreaming.

There was no evidence anyone had been in their room, and he didn’t want to alarm Hidan so he changed the subject, “I brought you some soup and some crackers.” 

“You brought me soup? That’s really nice of you, Kakuzu.” He sounded amazed, like it was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for him and Kakuzu couldn’t help but smile, thinking his husband was quite a bit of a cutie when he was sleepy, but also that it was likely the nicest thing he had done for Hidan in a long while.

“How do you feel now? I missed having you with me tonight,” Kakuzu sat on the edge of the bed and took the lid off the plastic container that had the soup in it, “Think you can handle eating some of this?”

Hidan nodded and sat up, now supported by a stack of pillows, “Mmm, yeah, I think so. Smells good.”

While Hidan ate slowly, Kakuzu ignored the crumbs that fell onto the blankets from the crackers as he tried to find something halfway decent to watch and had to settle for the local news. Which wasn’t even really local and came from the nearest decent sized city which was several hours away.

“Wanna try some?” Hidan asked, holding out a spoonful of soup.

“No, and don’t do that, you’re going to spill.” 

“Pretty damn good soup. It’s got some celery in it though,” Hidan told him, making a face, before eating the spoonful he had just held out.

Kakuzu never understood Hidan’s aversion to vegetables, something to do with the texture, but he didn’t push the issue, “Just eat around it.” 

By the time Hidan was finished, he was pressed up against Kakuzu’s side, their legs touching all the way down to their feet. Unusually quiet, Kakuzu looked down at his husband. He looked much better, his color had returned almost to normal, but the dark smudges under his eyes remained. 

“Ready to sleep?” Kakuzu asked.

“I’m ready for you to fuck me. Damn, I feel much better now. It’s like that nap and soup brought me back to life,” Hidan told him, sliding an arm around Kakuzu and turning fully towards him, “What do you say? Turn off the lights and do me. Oh, I got lube in my suitcase, on the side.”

“You thought to being lube but not your medicine.”

Hidan grinned, “Priorities.”

They exchanged a look before Kakuzu got up and flipped the lights off. 

Hidan made a soft, surprised noise at the feeling of Kakuzu’s lips against the side of his neck, and his deep voice that sent shivers down his spine, “It’s our honeymoon, Hidan, and I’d rather make love than fuck.” 

In the dark, they could almost pretend they were anywhere else. All that mattered was they were together, as close as two people could possibly get with Hidan’s arms locked around his neck. It wasn’t often they made love, but after the days events and their fight, it just seemed right. 

Besides, Kakuzu didn’t want to jostle Hidan around much, and did his best not to, even slowing his pace further when he was sure Hidan needed him to but had too much pride to say so. 

Afterwards, Kakuzu cleaned Hidan up with a warm, damp towel, placing kisses on his inner thighs and belly as he did so, before rejoining him under the blankets. 

On the verge of sleep, an uneasy feeling came over Hidan and he moved closer to Kakuzu. 

It wasn’t often that he said it, but he felt like he needed to then, almost like he might not get the chance again, and opened his eyes, “Hey, Kakuzu? I just… want you to know that you mean everything to me. I love you so much, and I’m so damn sorry I brought us here, I was being stupid. Please forgive me.”

“Hidan…” Kakuzu kissed him softly, “I love you, too. You’re more than forgiven.” 

All the tension fell away from Hidan and he pressed his face into the crook of Kakuzu’s neck and whispered, voice breaking, “I don’t want to lose you. You’re the best thing to ever happen to me, you’ve been the best part of my life and I want it to stay that way and want you to be the best part of the rest of my life, too.”

Kakuzu felt his heart skip a beat at Hidan’s words, and suddenly they just weren’t close enough, he pressed himself closer, his voice rough from emotion as he whispered, “We’ll work on things together. I said some mean things to you today and not just today. I’ve been saying them. You’re  _ not  _ a fuck up. I unfairly blamed you for my mistake this morning. I don’t want to lose you either. You came into my life when I needed you most. You’re not the only one who needs to ask for forgiveness. I’ve ignored your feelings about so many things for so long. I’m so sorry.”

Hidan kissed the side of Kakuzu’s neck, just below his ear, and said, “What you said to me earlier really hurt, but I forgive you,” he kissed him again, “I love you so fucking much, I can’t imagine the rest of my life without you in it. Please, don’t ask for a divorce, but… but if--” 

Kakuzu wasn’t about to let him finish that sentence, and held him tight, “Stop. Hidan, I’m  _ not  _ divorcing you. I love you, too. We’re going to work things out. I promise.”

“And our honeymoon? This is a complete fucking joke…” Hidan sounded like he was biting back a sob and Kakuzu held him tighter, kissing the side of his head as he did so and getting a mouthful of hair but he didn’t care.

“We’ll make the best of it. And later, we’re going to plan something together, like we should have in the first place and have a real honeymoon. We’ll go anywhere. We have the money so let’s enjoy it. For now, let’s just try and enjoy this as much as we can like we agreed on the trunk of the car. You were right, it won’t be so bad. We’re together, we’re away from all our responsibilities. No work, no distractions. Just you and me, we can just relax. Marriage is hard work but if you’re willing--” 

“I am,” Hidan pressed his face closer against Kakuzu’s neck and bit back a sob, “I’d do anything for you.” 

“Then we’ll fix this together. You’re my husband, and I love you more than anything. I’d do anything for you, too.” He pulled away to kiss Hidan, putting all his feelings for him into it, wanting to convey how he felt through a single kiss. Hidan responded with a moan before kissing back with just as much desperation until they had to break apart for a breath. And then Kakuzu was rolling Hidan onto his back and settling between his legs once again.

“Oh yeah, fuckin’ make up sex, here it comes!” Hidan grinned but even in the dim light, Kakuzu could see tears rolling down his cheeks as he slid into him with a groan.

“For breakfast--”

“There’s… _holy shit!_ That feels so good…” Hidan lost his train of thought as Kakuzu gave a roll his hips, and after a moment said in a rush, “there’s free breakfast in the lobby…”

“I’m taking you out for a nice breakfast, screw that creeps free food. I don't trust him, I don't want you eating anything he offers,” Kakuzu hooked one of Hidan’s legs over his shoulders, then the other before pulling nearly all the way out, “We’re going to have a good time, Hidan.” Kakuzu pushed back in with a low groan, slow, deliberate and as deep as he could. 

“God _ damn _ , I love being filled with your cock,” Hidan groaned, eyes rolling back, “Never get tired of it.” 

* * *

While Kakuzu cleaned him up, Hidan was already falling asleep, face and chest still flushed, his breathing evening out. Tossing the cloth into the bathroom, not caring where it landed, Kakuzu settled into bed beside him, wrapping an arm around him. But laying there, as tired as he was, Kakuzu just couldn’t sleep, unease creeping up his spine. Something wasn’t right, he just couldn’t figure out what it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I love to hear from readers, so please consider leaving a comment, it helps me know that people are interested in this and motivates me to write more.

**Author's Note:**

> If you like this, please let me know below! It helps me stay motivatedto work on this to know people are interested and it doesn'tfeel so lonely. <3 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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